Not in Kansas any more

For months we've been telling our American friends and family about our time here in New Zealand. Now it's time to give our Kiwi readers a little taste of our home state. Comedian Jeff Foxworthy allegedly noted the following:

• If you're proud that your region makes the national news at least 96 times each year because it's the hottest or the coldest spot in the nation, you might live in Wichita, Kansas. (Jake's folks and brother's family live there.)
  
• If your dad's suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his fore head, you might live in Pratt, Kansas. (Aaron, didn't you play university baseball there?)
  
• If you have worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you might live in Colby, Kansas. (Great outlet mall there.)
  
• If your town has an equal number of bars and churches, you might live in Hays, Kansas.
  
• If you have had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you might live in Kansas.
  
• You know you're a true Kansan when 'Vacation' means going east or west on I -70 for the weekend.
  
• If you measure distance in hours, you might live in Kansas. 
  
• If you know several people who have hit a deer more than once, you might live in Medicine Lodge, Kansas.
  
• If you often switch from 'Heat' to 'A/C' in the same day and back again, you might live in Fredonia, Kansas.
  
• If you can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching, you might live in Kansas City, Kansas. (Where we lived right before we moved here.)
  
• If you see peopl e wearing camouflage at social events (including weddings), you might live in Great Bend, Kansas. 
• If you install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked, you might live in Augusta, Kansas. (This is where Jake's folks are from.)
  
• If you carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend knows how to use them, you might live in Manhattan, Kansas. (Where Jake went to university.)
  
• If driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow, you might live in Wichita, Kansas. (Near where Jake grew up.)
  
• If you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction, you might live in Pittsburg, Kansas.
  
• If your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a deer next to your blue spruce, you might live in Derby, Kansas. (Our sister Shelly's hometown, but they don't own any fake deer, or a home right now for that matter.)
  
• If "Going Down South" means Oklahoma , you might live in Coffeyville, Kansas. (Cody, didn't you go to university there?)
• If a brat is something you eat, you might live in Altoona, Kansas.
  
• If your idea of going out to eat is a tail gate party every Friday, you might live in Cimarron, Kansas.
  
• If you have more miles on your snow blower than your car; you might live in Goodland, Kansas.
  
• If you find 0 degrees to be 'a little chilly,' you might live in Concordia, Kansas.

Jake and I find several of these utterly true, especially how we measure distance in hours and drive in raging blizzards. 

Thanks to our lovely Aunt D, a proud Arkansan, for sharing this.